Plays 1 Read online

  Anastasia scans the shop quickly then pauses for a second. Then, as if she is somehow rooted to the spot, looks around again but this time slower, more deliberate, as if trying to see something that is not visible, something that is hiding. Subtly, she inhales slowly and then exhales. She snaps out of it and smiles genuinely at Deli. She has a bag in her hands.

  Anastasia (firm and confident) Hi! I come to apply for the job in the window.

  Deli/Digger Really!

  Anastasia No, I just like opening me mouth and talking stupidness!

  The boys clock each other.

  Deli Right, um, you have any experience?

  Anastasia, full of natural sexiness, walks and puts her bag on the counter. She takes out a Pyrex dish of macaroni pie and steps back.

  Anastasia Macaroni pie. I cooked it yesterday, but next morning food is always the sweetest.

  Digger (half under his breath) Mind she obea you, boy!

  Deli Shut up, Digger! (To Anastasia.) So you’ve worked in an West Indian restaurant before?

  Anastasia (almost winking) No. But I figure it’s not beyond me!

  Deli (a little surprised) What makes you would want to work here?

  Anastasia The truth? You’re in serious trouble my bredren! Anyone that names his restaurant Elmina’s Kitchen is in need of help. The good news! It’s the help that I can give . . .

  Deli Elmina’s my mother’s name!

  Digger Ras!

  Deli And your name is?

  Anastasia Anastasia, it’s the name of a princess. Brudder, you can’t have a picture of a woman on the wall and the place look so! But what really makes me wanna work here! You is the best-looking man I have seen in a very long time.

  Digger looks up.

  Deli (taken aback) Really?

  Anastasia No, but I knew that would sweet you. So how about you taste my macaroni pie na?

  Deli Are you smoking rock?

  Anastasia (shakes her head) No, I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink.

  Deli . . . Cos, girl, you got brass balls coming in here and tell me about my mudder! People have dead for less.

  Digger True!

  Beat.

  Anastasia (seriously) Forgive me, I have a warped sense of humour.

  Pause.

  Deli takes off the top of the Pyrex dish. Anastasia takes a pre-package plastic spoon from her bag and hands it to Deli. She also takes her book out and clenches it like a Bible. It is The Celestine Prophecy.

  Anastasia Don’t you want to heat it up?

  Deli shakes his head. He tastes the pie. Digger shakes his head.

  Deli Ummmm, that’s good . . . wicked in fact. Wow. You got anything else in there?

  Anastasia I have a goat ready for stewing.

  Deli (gets serious) Well, it’s a full-time post we have here. It may not look busy now but it can get real rushed at lunchtimes.

  Digger coughs.

  Deli And we have a reputation in the area for excellence.

  Anastasia So, you offering me the job?

  Deli Why, don’t you want it?

  Anastasia You know what I mailed my son last night? I tell him that me walk into a restaurant named after a slave castle but couldn’t see the castle.

  Deli doesn’t quite know how to respond.

  Digger (exclaims) Rasclaat!

  Deli (ignoring) So, when can you start?

  Anastasia Whenever.

  Deli Thursday? . . .

  Anastasia (before it’s come out of his mouth) . . . Thursday? Fine.

  She gathers her things and gets up to leave.

  Do you read?

  Deli What do you mean?

  Anastasia How you does feed your mind if you don’t read? Typical man.

  Deli I haven’t mentioned pay?

  Anastasia It’s gonna be more than I’m earning now, right!

  He nods. She exits.

  Digger (getting out of his seat) That’s a rasclatt madwoman! How you could employ dat?

  Deli (ignoring) Digger, shut up, man.

  Digger (sitting back down) Rhated madwoman.

  Lights down.

  During the blackout we hear the voice of the Newsreader.

  Newsreader The headlines. As the case of John and Peter Goodyear enters its fifth day at the Old Bailey the brothers go on record saying they murdered their parents ‘for the hell of it’. We talk to Denton Philips, the Jamaican gangster, or ‘Yardie’, brought into Britain by the Metropolitan Police to supposedly help in the fight against crime. And thirty-five million pounds of personal assets were seized from celebrated Ranter frontman, William Forsheve, in the biggest pension scandal to hit the private sector in a decade. (Music.) Scenes of astonishment at the Old Bailey today as a spokesman for the two brothers . . .

  The lights slowly come up to reveal:

  Scene Two

  Baygee, Digger watching the TV. The fourth screw is in. They have glasses of rum in their hand. Anastasia and Deli are putting the finishing touches to the ‘Welcome Home’ decorations for Dougie while watching the TV when they can. The freshly painted banner reads ‘Yes, dread, you reach! Respect due!’ Anastasia steps down from a chair and heads towards the kitchen. The restaurant looks a little cleaner. Nothing serious but it looks better.

  Digger Thirty-five million, you know!

  Baygee (conversationally) My father use to say when a black man tief one man cry, when the European dem tief, whole continents bawl. (Holding up the rum glass to Deli.) Give me one last quick one.

  Deli heads behind the counter to do it.

  Deli No problem. (Referring to banners.) What you think, Baygee?

  Baygee Look good.

  Digger How’s a man suppose to enjoy his food when all he can smell is paint to bloodclaat?

  Anastasia (referring to decorations) Yes, dread, you reach, now there’s a fitting welcome for a black man. ’Bout welcome home.

  Deli (smiling at her) OK, you were right.

  Anastasia My God, these tablecloth, Renk! . . . You worse than my son. If I don’t change the bedclothes he’ll sleep on the same ting for a year!

  Digger and Baygee clock each other. Digger puts out his hand.

  Digger One week before he sex that! Twenty pound.

  Deli hears and looks up at Digger disapprovingly. Baygee ignores him.

  Baygee What time you brodder reaching?

  Deli (kisses his teeth) Ahh you know Dougie, he said today sometime but I’ll believe it when I see him.

  He smiles, excited at the prospect.

  Baygee You shouldn’t make the boy find he own way home, you should’da pick him up from the gates?

  Deli (flash of anger) Alone, is how he wants to come out.

  Digger Yo! Gal, gimme me a next dumpling.

  Anastasia (flash of temper) Is who you talking to so? Cos believe, it better not be me.

  Digger is slightly taken aback. Deli jumps straight in.

  Deli I bet a hundred pound it’s informer business that catch that thirty-five million man.

  Digger Your money would be better spent teaching you staff how to talk to people. (Changing back to subject at hand.) Informer, yes!!

  Deli Better you shot me before you ask me fe do that.

  Anastasia stares at Deli, disappointed. He recoils slightly.

  Digger Dem man dere, you don’t even waste bullet pon dem. (Imitating stabbing.) Just jook jook jook him till he dead.

  Anastasia Take it that’s why they call you Digger?

  Digger Yep. It tells people who the fuck I am and what I do! Ask any nigger in the street and they’ll tell you! Digger’s like one of them African names. It’s got meaning. Remember that!

  Anastasia gets the dumpling from the heated cabinet. She brushes past Deli – their bodies touch momentarily – Deli steps back, and looks away.

  Baygee (annoyed at Digger’s boasting) What you do, young white bwoy, is buy and sell black souls!

  Digger I buy and sell debts. Not no cheap-arse fake designer clothes, like some mot
herfuckers I know.

  Baygee Don’t test me, young man. I lash a man last week and he is still falling down!

  Deli Baygee, cool na!

  Baygee Once upon a time, businessmen like me were the only street salesmen our community had. Now look what they got! You may frighten all them others round here, I don’t ’fraid you young bad-johns. I hate you, but God blimey, I don’t ’fraid you.

  Digger (about to get vexed) Wha?!!!

  Anastasia jumps in.

  Anastasia Digger! Your dumpling! And here (slams down a glass of rum), cool your spirits na!

  Beat while the men cool down. Deli clocks that Anastasia saved the moment. He smiles at her.

  The phone rings. Deli picks it up.

  Deli Hello Elmina’s Kitchen, takeaway and delivery, how can I help you? . . . Ashley, what you phoning me on the business line for? Call me on the mobile.

  He puts down the phone. Anastasia looks to Deli. Deli smiles, half apologising for his ignorance. His mobile rings.

  Deli Yes, who’s calling? . . . (Gets serious.) Yeah, mate, your uncle’s been here an hour already . . . Upstairs . . . (Vexed.) Tell him what? . . . I’m not telling him nothing . . . No! I don’t know if we’ll be here when you finally decide to arrive!

  He puts down the phone. Anastasia exhales, shaking her head.

  Deli Ani, I ain’t seen the boy in three days, his uncle is due out and he ain’t got the manners to be here first thing in the morning to greet him! Let the bitch stew.

  Anastasia doesn’t comment but you can see that she disagrees.

  Anastasia But he’s a bwoy, Deli, dem do tings so.

  Deli Thanks. Think we’re all done here? I’m gonna go and get ready.

  Anastasia What’s wrong with what you’ve got on?

  Deli Need to put on something that hides the weight, mate.

  Anastasia You look good to me.

  Anastasia smiles. Deli stops for the briefest of moments and then carries on. As he steps through the swing doors Digger picks up the TV remote and switches the TV on to the horseracing channel.

  Anastasia (who has just picked up her book) automatically turns to the TV screen. Deli, however, knew Digger would do this and pops his head back round the swing doors. He clocks that Anastasia is paying a lot of attention to the horses.

  Anastasia Gwan!

  She turns away from the TV screen when she hears Deli’s voice.

  Deli (ignorant) Take the horse gambling off, Digger. Ladbroke’s is up the bloody road. How many times do I have to tell you?

  Digger turns it back on to MTV base, looks at Anastasia and indicates to Deli.

  Digger Him luck salt.

  Baygee Turn that ting down, boy.

  Digger takes out a packet of cigarettes and offers one to Anastasia. She picks up her book and reluctantly accepts. She steps from behind the counter. He lights it for her.

  Digger Your face is very familiar to me. We meet in a bashment or something?

  Anastasia Bashment? (Touch of bitterness.) All the nice dance close up or full up wid pickney. I don’t rave.

  Digger You don’t drink, you don’t rave. Wait, wait, I get it, I get it. I see you wid Bobbler and dem, don’t it?

  Anastasia I don’t move wid no crack crew!

  Digger Then how you know it’s crack dey does run?

  Anastasia (stutters a little) Everybody know dat! (Recovering, goes on the front foot.) Wait, what you trying to say? Me look like one straygay street gal to you?

  Digger You’s a feisty thing, innit? That’s the way me like them. Ride better when them have a little spirit. What you say, Baygee?

  Baygee Why you don’t leave the woman alone?

  Digger Wha?! I just getting to know Deli gal.

  Anastasia (aggressively) Who tell you that I was Deli’s gal?

  Digger No one.

  Anastasia Young bwoy, I doubt if you could ah handle it. Excuse!

  Anastasia stubs the cigarette out semi-hiding the ashtray and exits through the swing door into the kitchen, picking up a pen in the process.

  Baygee (prodding Digger) Eh, I see a couple of wild Yard boys driving up a one-way street yesterday. When a man show them the sign, the youth don’t just take out he gun and threaten to kill him!

  Digger doesn’t reply.

  Baygee Figure it must be one of the new set of Yardies that eating up Hackney. They giving children BMWs, who could compete with that, eh? Hmm! People should always read street signs, don’t you think, Digger? I gone. Tell Deli I’ll pass back and pay on my way back from Mrs Alexander’s house.

  He exits with his bags. Deli enters the restaurant dressed in black shirt and pants. He even has a black tie on but not done up. He rolls his head like a boxer preparing for a fight. Digger looks at him. Anastasia comes out after Deli, she looks approvingly at him.

  Digger Bloodclatt, who dead? Where you going dress up so?

  Deli I ain’t dress up, just wanna look good for my bra, innit? I spouse up the place, so wah! I can’t spouse up meself?

  Anastasia Yes, man, you looks goooooods. Hold up.

  She straightens Deli’s tie so that it is hanging around his chest. Deli is not comfortable with her doing this.

  Anastasia (straight, almost motherly) Now you look ‘ready’.

  Digger Na na, you right, man should meet his brodder the right way and dat and it’s nice that you clean up the place for him, but if you’d have come to me, I’d have give you the money to do it up proper, you know big picture of Haile Selassie, next to yuh modder, proper bamboo furniture, dim lighting and such!

  Deli Thanks but if I ever want to do that, I’ll go to the bank.

  Digger bursts out laughing.

  Deli What you laughing at?

  Digger What bank is going to give you money, nigger?

  Deli One that could recognise I’ve been a businessman from morning . . .

  Digger . . . And one that ignores your black skin?

  Deli Ahhhhh fuck that old school shit, Digger. That was some old eighties shit you talking.

  Anastasia goes to the kitchen. Enter Ashley. His hair has been done. Neat cane rows. He’s aware he looks good. He’s vexed.

  Deli So you decide to show up?

  Ashley I can’t believe it. See, Dad, I told you you shoulda deal wid that Roy.

  Deli That subject’s dead, Ashley.

  Ashley They’ve not only gone and bought the Chini restaurant shop next to theirs.

  Digger looks away. Anastasia clocks this.

  Deli What’s the matter wid that?

  Ashley (surprised) You ain’t read the note, have you?

  He produces it out of his back pocket.

  ‘Sorry for the temporary closure, reopening soon as Roy’s West Indian restaurant.’ They’re taking the piss out of you.

  Ashley stares at Deli with hate in his eyes, Digger looks away. Deli rolls his head, clicks his neck. We can see the rage in his eyes. He clocks Anastasia and tries to cover it.

  Deli Hey, it’s a free world, man, people can do what they want.

  Ashley He takes away your pride, then your livelihood, and all you can do is stand dere like a fish? You’ve lost it, blood.

  Deli (flash of temper) I’m not no blood wid you.

  Ashley Regrettably, that’s exactly what you are.

  Anastasia exits to the kitchen.

  Ashley Char! Where’s Uncle D?

  Deli He ain’t here yet.

  Ashley I thought you said . . .

  Deli (quickly) . . . Don’t worry about what I said. You ain’t seen your uncle in seven years and the day he’s due out you can’t be bothered to get your arse here to greet him . . .

  Ashley I had runnings . . .

  Deli Runnings is more important than being here for your uncle?

  Ashley does not reply.

  Deli So, it’s not just me that lets the family down is it?

  Beat. Ashley’s face drops. Anastasia walks into the kitchen. Deli feels a little guilty so tries to change the su
bject a bit.

  Deli You see your child today?

  Ashley Yep!

  Deli (gives him a twenty-pound note) Good. Give it to the mother this evening. Tell her thanks?

  Ashley I don’t need it actually, Dad.

  Deli Oh yeah?

  Ashley Yeah.

  Deli snatches it back.

  Deli Seen.

  Anastasia comes out with a tray of food. While speaking, she fills up the cabinet.

  Deli Anastasia, you’ve met my son Ashley, right?

  She pauses for a second. It is as if all of a sudden her breath has become very heavy for a beat.

  Anastasia What a good-looking boy you have, Deli. No we haven’t met, nice to meet you, Ashley.

  Ashley (looking her up and down) Wha appen?

  Turns to his dad. Sotto voce.

  So what, you sex it yet?

  Deli (angered) Don’t be stupid and have some respect.

  Anastasia Deli, I put on the pan ready to fry the plantain but I can’t find any.

  Deli Oh shit!

  Ashley What?

  Deli I don’t done forget to re-order the blasted plantain!

  Ashley How you gonna forget that? That’s Uncle D’s favourite.

  Deli I know that! Shit! Gotta run to the supermarket.

  He runs to get his black jacket.

  Ashley Don’t be long, you know!

  Deli, with jacket on, moves past Ashley.

  Deli Ani, I’ll be back in ten? Later, Digger.

  Digger Later.

  As Deli exits the phone rings. As Anastasia is closer Ashley indicates that she should answer it.

  Anastasia I don’t know what to say!

  Ashley You’re taking an order not speeching da queen! Answer it then!

  While Anastasia is on the phone Ashley pours himself a brandy and begins to build up a spliff.

  Anastasia Hello, Elmina’s West Indian food shop –

  Ashley – Kitchen, takeaway and delivery!

  Anastasia Takeaway and delivery, how can I help you? No, he’s out at present, you can probably catch him on his mobile, OK.

  Ashley Who was that?

  Anastasia The prison service.

  Ashley (smiles) Uncle Dougie’s the original warrior boy. He’s probably been put back in solitary.

  Anastasia suddenly remembers.