Plays 1 Page 4

  Anastasia Lard Jesus, the pan.

  She dashes back through the swing doors.

  Ashley looks at Digger’s glass.

  Ashley You want a top-up?

  Digger Yeah. Mek it a brandy though. In fact, while you dere give me one of dem Chana ting that girl just done bring out.

  Ashley takes a Chana out of the cabinet and pours out the drink, then hands it to him. Digger already has a ten-pound note in his hand ready to pay.

  Ashley Na, man. Dis one’s on da house.

  Digger Did your father authorise you to give anyone anyting on da house?

  Ashley (pure admiration) No, but you ain’t any old anyone.

  Digger Did your father authorise you to give anyone anyting on da house?

  Ashley No.

  Digger stares at him.

  Ashley OK. That’ll be four fifty.

  He puts the money in the till but spends just a little bit too long looking at its contents. Digger looks up at him. He quickly closes the till and gives Digger his change. Ashley then picks up the remote control for the TV.

  Ashley You watching this?

  Digger shakes his head. Ashley changes it to VH1 music channel. There’s a kicking garage video playing. Ashley starts ‘chatting’ with the tune. He’s looking at the reflection of himself while he dances and chats.

  Ashley Hold the mic while I flex, I’m a lyrical architect with the number-one set. Player haters get bang so what if dey get a back han’ or else man will get jiggy, hear what! Man a pack him nine milli.

  Digger finishes his food and gets up to leave.

  Ashley Digger!

  Digger Yow!

  Ashley Could I speak to you about som’um?

  Digger I’m busy.

  Ashley You don’t look busy!

  Digger Looks can be deceiving.

  Ashley I know you don’t like me . . .

  Digger doesn’t answer.

  Ashley But that’s all good, cos you don’t have to like people to do business wid dem, right?

  Digger I don’t buy stolen phones.

  Ashley Very funny, but I ain’t no pussy street punk.

  Digger Ah so?

  Ashley Ah so. No disrespect, this shit (the restaurant) is all good for my dad, but me, I wanna do big tings with my life, bredren. But mans needs a little leg-up.

  Digger Really?

  Ashley looks around to check that Anastasia is not about to enter. She is not.

  Ashley I was kinda wondering if mans could run wid you? Give you little back-up and dat?

  Digger Wha appen you ears dem beat up? I don’t deal wid boys.

  Ashley (flash of temper) I ain’t no fucking boy.

  Digger moves like the wind towards Ashley and punches him full in the face. Ashley hits the deck, blood flowing from his mouth.

  Digger What did you say to me?

  Beat.

  Ashley (whispers) I ain’t no boy.

  Digger No! Did you use a Viking expletive when talking to me?

  Ashley is confused.

  Ashley (staying on the ground) No . . . Yes . . . What’s dat?

  Digger (cool) And you wanna be a bad man? Go back to school, youth, and learn. You can’t just walk into dis bad man t’ing, you gotta learn the whole science of it. You step into that arena and you better be able to dance wid death till it mek you dizzy. You need to have thought about, have played wid and have learnt all of the possible terrible and torturous ways that death could arrive. And then ask yourself are you ready to do that and more to someone that you know. Have you done that, youth?

  Ashley (wiping the blood away from his mouth and finding his balls) I stepped to you, haven’t I?

  Digger Seen.

  He sees Anastasia enter. She stares at Digger with hate. His phone rings.

  Digger (overjoyed) Bloodclatttttttttt. Is when you reach? Haaaaaaa. Where you dere? Dem let you in the country? Bloodclattttttt.

  He exits. When Ashley turns and sees Anastasia he is momentarily taken aback.

  Ashley How long have you been there?

  She doesn’t answer.

  (Trying to flex his manhood.) Don’t you understand English?

  Anastasia (motherly) I just reach.

  She moves towards Ashley to help him up. As if to hold him. As she kneels down, he jumps up.

  Ashley What you doing? Get off.

  She steps back.

  You talk anything of this and you’re dead!

  Anastasia How old are you?

  Ashley Nineteen. Why? You looking for a fit young tings to wok?

  Anastasia (pointed) When my son was nineteen you think he would talk to a big woman like dat?

  She moves away. Enter Deli, with plantain box under one arm and his mobile in his hand. His face is drained of all life. He stands unable to move for a moment.

  Anastasia Wha’ wrong wid you?

  Deli (quietly to himself) They’ve killed Dougie. The man was practically home and they done kil . . . kill him. (Holding his head.) Ahhhhh.

  Ashley jumps up to comfort his father. Deli pushes him off.

  Deli (screams) Oh God, dem catch me again. I could kill a bloodclaat man tonight.

  Lights down.

  As the lights go down we hear a haunting eight-bar refrain played on the gurkel.

  Scene Three

  Day. We are in the restaurant. Anastasia is stacking the heated cabinets with food with one hand and reading a book. Ashley is on the phone taking an order. Seated with Digger and Baygee is Clifton (sixty-three, but looks mid-fifties). He is a large man with a mouth full of gold teeth. Dressed in a very flash three-piece suit, his cashmere coat is over the back of a chair. His suitcase is visible. He is a boastful man who defines himself very much by how much attention he gets from those in his immediate surroundings. There is a slight shake in his left hand from time to time. With his catchphrase ‘you see’, Clifton uses his eastern Caribbean accent to full effect when storytelling. He is mid-story when we join the scene.

  Ashley It’ll be with you in twenty minutes. (To Clifton.) Carry on.

  He hands order to Anastasia. She enters the kitchen.

  Clifton . . . Well, you see, this man was at least six foot . . .

  Ashley Six foot . . .

  Clifton . . . five. And in dem days dere that was a giant . . .

  Ashley In any day, boy . . .

  Baygee Clifton, every time you tell that story, the man has to grow two inches? . . .

  Clifton Shut up and let me tell the youth the story.

  Ashley Yeah, Baygee, let the man tell the story na.

  Clifton So, like I saying, he say to me, ‘Who tell you you could speak to my woman? You want a cut arse?’ Well, it so happen that them days was when the Teddy boys weren’t making joke, and man had to have some defence . . .

  Baygee That’s right!

  Clifton . . . So I gently brush back me coat and show him my blade. One big arse heng man ting, and I said in a low Robert Mitcham drawl, ‘If you is me fadder. Do it na! Let we see who is the man and who is child.’ And I just leave that in the air hanging. Well, I see a flash in he eye as if he was going to rush me, you see, cos the eye betrays an untrained man. I go to grab me ting but something deep inside me, and I swear to this day it was the voice of my old mudder, say, ‘Wait till he mek he move.’ Well, let me tell you it was that voice save me old mudder having heart attack when she hear Clifton come to England to get hang. Cos he look at me but the monkey must have realised that this would have been his last night on earth cos he just let out a little ‘Ha’ and walk off. Not another word.

  Ashley Gwan.

  Clifton But you know what the real funny thing was about that evening? When it all done, tell me where the woman was?

  Ashley All over you!

  Clifton Gone. Nowhere to be seen. The two stewpid black men would have finish their lives over a woman that didn’t give a coconut leaf about either of dem.

  Baygee Huh, dem was the days when they use to feel you bottom to see if yo
u had a tail. Clifton, you remember what Mary Lou do you?

  Clifton Yes, but that’s another story for another time.

  Anastasia with her usual look of concern in her eyes comes out with the order and places it in front of Ashley. He ignores it.

  Ashley Raaaaaaaaa, you got stories, man, you’re smooth.

  Clifton Me, na. I coarse like saltfish skin. But I believe in living life to the full, and it is only possible to live as long as life intoxicates us. As soon as we sober again, we see it all as a delusion, a stupid delusion, and death provides the only alternative.

  He decks his rum in one.

  You at college, right?

  Ashley nods.

  Clifton Who said that?

  Ashley I don’t know.

  Clifton Baygee? Come on, you had the benefits of West Indian education, which European writer said that?

  Baygee Is me you asking?

  Clifton (sizing up Digger) Young fellow? Or should I say ‘bad man’. You know the answer?

  Digger (cool and mellow) No I don’t know who said that, do you?

  Clifton Now, you see, there’s a clever man. Flip the script, turn the tables. The truth is I don’t know either, but it sound pretty good, don’t it?

  Digger’s phone goes off. He answers.

  Digger Yow! . . .

  Anastasia (annoyed at being the only one not asked) Tolstoy!

  Clifton (shocked) What?

  Anastasia Tolstoy. The minor Russian aristocrat . . .

  Clifton, who knew all along, doesn’t like being upstaged. He automatically goes into verbal slap-down mode. The speeches overlap.

  Clifton . . . who is reputed to be Gandhi’s direct inspiration. And without Gandhi, you have no Martin Luther, and without MLK you have no civil rights, and without civil rights you have no equal rights which means women, blacks, none of us would be standing on the soil we do today.

  Digger Seen . . . Seen . . . Don’t fuck about, yu hear, star! Me will kill a man dead fe dat . . . Stone dead . . . Me soon come . . . Hold it right ya dere so . . . Move an inch and coffin lid have fe close.

  Digger leaves some money on the counter and begins to leave hurriedly. Anastasia’s eyes follow him.

  Digger (kisses his teeth) People just can’t do what they suppose to do in this world, can they?

  Ashley I can!

  Digger stops and stares at Ashley for a moment. Almost instinctively, he’s about to tell Ashley to come with him, but he doesn’t. Anastasia stares at Ashley.

  Anastasia Ashley!

  He turns to her momentarily.

  Ashley What?

  Digger Mr C. Later.

  Clifton clocks this interaction. Ashley runs to the door and watches Digger. After a beat he turns to Clifton.

  Ashley Sorry, carry on. I like to hear you, you’re proper clever.

  Clifton (takes in Digger leaving) What’s the point in being clever and none of you children take you foot? One end up a bloody thieve, the next a brok-hand boxer. Tell me what I did to deserve that, eh? Where me brains go, Baygee?

  Baygee Life don’t go the way we want it.

  Clifton (decking his glass of rum) You don’t lie, partner, you don’t lie. Maybe you’ll be the one that’ll take me mind, eh, junior?

  Deli walked in near the end of the conversation with a box under his arm, but was not seen.

  Deli Maybe he will, but that’ll be because his father was around to nurture and support him.

  Clifton turns to Baygee embarrassed.

  Clifton Oh God.

  His hand begins to shake slightly. He calms it.

  Hello son.

  Deli checks Ashley who is watching him closely.

  Deli Hello, Clifton.

  Clifton and Baygee clock each other.

  Clifton I come to pay me respects to you and help bury me first-born.

  Deli Is that so?

  Clifton I didn’t mean nothin’ by –

  Deli – Ashley, did you give your grandfather something to eat?

  Ashley (he’s never seen his father treat anyone like this) Yeah.

  Deli Good. Then, Clifton, your respects are accepted and thank you for your visit.

  He opens the door for Clifton to leave.

  Clifton (calm and cool) Oh, I haven’t quite finished my food. You wouldn’t put a man out on an empty belly, would you?

  Deli closes the door.

  Clifton So I hear I’m a great-grandfather? (Jesting.) Bonjey! How you let the child age me so? (Beat.) The place don’t look all dat but I hear you’re doing OK? That’s good!

  Deli (pointed) Bad luck is always just around the corner.

  Clifton Must be doing well to have bought two acres of land home!

  Silence. Clifton clocks that this is not public information.

  Deli Like I said, man never knows what’s around the corner.

  Clifton (changing the subject. To all) Eh! You know the first man I see when I reach Hackney?

  Baygee Who?

  Clifton Macknee the old Scottish man.

  Baygee Oh ho!

  Clifton I laugh till I couldn’t laugh again. You see, I knew this was going to be a good trip when I saw that mean-nose bastard in a wheelchair, drunk, raggedy, throwing himself in front of people car shouting abuse.

  Ashley (shocked) You know the old drunken Scottish man, Grandad?

  Clifton Me use to rent a room from him. If I think hard, you fadder may have been conceived dere.

  Ashley Boyeeee, he’s off his head, dread. Bare swearing and ramming people’s vechs with his wheelchair. Man’s due to get spark!

  Anastasia The man in a wheelchair, have some pity on him na.

  Baygee The bitch can walk. Sorry. (To Anastasia.) I mean, there’s nuttin wrong with his leg.

  Clifton Is all the wickedness he do people that haunting him.

  Baygee If he was West Indian I’d say somebody wok obea him.

  Clifton Is only black people that know witchcraft?

  Baygee shrugs.

  Clifton The most witchcraft is practise by the white man. How do the arse you think he managed to take Africa from we. That white man –

  Deli explodes, 0–60.

  Deli . . . Don’t bring none of your white this and dat in here, Clifton. I don’t want to hear that.

  Baygee That’s no way to speak to your father, Deli.

  Deli (trying to hold it down) Baygee, please!

  He clocks Anastasia’s response.

  Clifton No, the boy’s right. In his place, his word is the word.

  Beat.

  Baygee Clifton, come let we go over to the betting shop na? The old boys in there they go shit when they see you.

  Beat.

  Clifton I coming, I coming. Baygee, you mind if my son and I have a few minutes?

  Baygee Of course.

  He steps to the back of the restaurant.

  Clifton I know your brother meant a lot to you. I’m sorry. But this is the way of the world.

  Deli stares at him blankly.

  Clifton You see, death is around us everywhere.

  Deli Ah ha.

  Beat.

  Clifton I need somewhere to stay just until the funeral finish.

  Beat.

  I was wondering if . . . Until I see the doctor for me hand, and attend the funeral . . .

  Deli still doesn’t reply.

  Clifton I wouldn’t burden you. A sofa will do. Two weeks max.

  He stares right into Deli’s eyes. Deli thinks. He sees Clifton’s hand shake. Silence.

  Deli I can’t have you stay here. This is Elmina’s place. I’ll call Ashley’s mother and see if she’ll put you up in the spare room. But once Dougie’s buried I want you to leave, Clifton.

  Clifton looks at Elmina’s picture and picks up his suitcase.

  Clifton I’ll be in the Black Dog across the road. When you ready, send for me. (Taking in Deli.) Baygee, come na! The boys go say, ‘Big time Clifton, what you doing back in England, boy?’ And I go tell them the Quee
n send for me. You mind if I leave my suitcase here?

  Baygee How you could ask the child that? Of course he don’t. Come, boy.

  Clifton I coming. I coming.

  Baygee Stop coming and come.

  They leave. Ashley takes the food to deliver off the counter and looks at his father before leaving. As if paralysed, Deli stands rooted on the spot. Deli looks up to the picture of his mother. He is disappointed in himself for not outrightly refusing Clifton.

  Deli (whispers to Elmina) I tried.

  Anastasia Your pops is a character eee!

  Deli Before I knew myself, I knew I was Clifton’s child.

  Anastasia They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

  Deli That’s what Digger says about women.

  Anastasia You think that too?

  He shrugs.

  (Innocently.) Do you get on with Ashley’s mother?

  Deli I’d rather not talk about her actually.

  Anastasia OK.

  Silence.

  How did the meeting go?

  Deli ‘To find the information needed to start the case would be’ – how did they put it? – ‘cost prohibitive’ was the common phrase. Everybody knows your last day in prison you keep you fucking head down. But Dougie, no! He was a troublemaker, Anastasia, that’s why no one wants to take the case, no one that I could afford right now anyway.

  Anastasia He left you money, right?

  Deli Sorry?

  Anastasia Dougie left you a whole heap ah money, right, everybody knows dat.

  Deli doesn’t answer.

  Anastasia Even if you have to spend you last cent, find someone. You can’t mek people kill you family and left it so! There must be somewhere else you could go?

  Deli flashes a steely glance.

  Deli (flash of anger) No, there is not somewhere else I can go, I have been everywhere, alright?

  Beat.

  Anastasia You know that tone you just employed, you’re sure that’s the choice you wanna stick with?

  Deli Pardon?

  Anastasia Cos I don’t know what kind of women you are use to but, baby, I don’t let men speak to me like that.

  Awkward silence.

  Deli Sorry.

  Anastasia Apology accepted.

  Beat.

  She runs over to her bag and gets out her Acts of Faith. She rips out a page.

  Deli What you doing?

  She sticks it to the counter.

  You don’t find there’s enough posters on the wall? What’s that, Anastasia?